Same as most other days. Sure, we did take Landon for his two month check up and to get his shots. However, I still got up, got ready, went to work, went through my same old usual routine. Spent some time on line looking at stuff. Played with Landon, ate dinner late, and took Chase for a walk. Other than the "played with Landon" part, that has pretty much been my life for the past few years.
There were a couple of different things today. Landon going to the doctor was one of them. I did run some errands at lunch today. Been really into investments and retirement planning lately so did some of that today. At Wal Mart, I had to pick up a few things today and it was really crowded. People were in the way when I was looking for stuff. One lady even stopped in the middle of a narrow aisle in the middle of the store so she could text, ignoring the people stuck behind her. I just wanted to get my stuff and get out of there. While trying to find everything I needed, I saw a few elderly people shopping. And as soon as I saw them, my attitude changed, even if just for a moment. My heart is always softened by and drawn to elderly people (as long as they are not 'crotchety'). There is a maturity, wisdom, and sense of innocence that I am just drawn to.
I have always thought I am a bit of an old soul. I am 33, work in IT, know my way around technology. Yet I am turned off by the overuse of cell phones, iPods, video games, and all the other gadgets and gizmo's. I even have all those things but don't spend a lot of time using any of them. I prefer life the way it used to be with the values that mattered. I want my kids to grow up like I did growing up in the 80s. I want them to respect their elders, play outside for fun, and make family and our time together their main source of entertainment. I am turned off by most of the stuff I see on TV and will have no problem given up watching a lot of it as Landon gets older. I love stories about relationships and fun adventures. I guess it is these things that I seem to have in common with the elderly that makes me drawn to them. They seem to fit more of my old fashioned soul.
I called a sports radio show today in Columbia, SC. For those of you that are familiar with it, it was 107.5 The Game. They were broadcasting live from a business owned by a couple of my friends from college. So I called in to say hello to them and threw in a question on the upcoming football season for discussion. Call it my attempt to reach back into my past. I miss that part of it. I miss the things I did, the friends I had, the things I was involved in, and the person I was. I have been getting back in touch with people from my past lately. And it brings me back to those places in my life when I knew them.
I took Chase for a walk and left Kristen and Landon at home tonight since Landon was a little fussy. Today was Chase's birthday so I had to reward him and let him have some fun. While taking Chase for a walk, I was listening to my iPod (walks and airplanes are about the only time I ever listen to it) and just thinking about my life. The song "It's the Only One You've Got" by 3 Doors Down came on and it's one of my favorite songs. I can never help but be moved when I listed to it. The lyrics are awesome but it talks about the past, the scars, the mistakes, being afraid to live life, and just the encouragement to live life like it's the only one we've got. The lyrics are so powerful and out of the many, many times I have listened to it, I am almost always moved to tears when I hear it. It's my encouragement to live life despite my past, my fears, and living it like I know there is more to life than this. I also heard "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. If you have never really listened to the last verse of this song, here they are:
"You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains, carried the cross of my shame. You know I believe it..but I still haven't found, what I'm looking for."
Those two songs sum up my life really. Broken past, fears, afraid to live my life, a faith in Jesus, yet still don't know what I am looking for. All of this started with a trip to Wal Mart, a call in to a radio station, and a walk with the dog.
I have a family now, a wife that I love (but probably not enough) and a son that I adore. I have a job that I could do for many years but never really be content doing it. I have regrets about the person I have lost despite how much I have grown. My soul sometimes feels empty, wanting to live for more than just this life I have. I want to show my son what matters and show him what real life is. Yet I hide behind my walls of maybe and never's, not knowing how to live this life like it's the only one I've got as I still haven't found what I am looking for.
Today, like all other days, was just another day. And that's the problem.