As I write this, it has been exactly 36 hours since Kristen got back from Thailand. Since that time, we have slept a lot, gone to work, and talked. Lots of talking. 12 hours worth about this trip alone. And she shared all of it with me - the expectations, joys, lows, tears, frustrations, and the moments God moved. I felt like I was there on the trip and ever since she has been back, I haven't been the same. I have been on numerous mission trips, visited many different countries, been involved with church for years in various ways, learned many lessons through my mistakes and failures, and had the privilege of spending time with missionaries in various settings. Yet, there is something about this trip that has affected me. I feel like I finally get 'it'. Maybe my reactions would have been different if I had gone (anger, frustration, overwhelming love) although I know this trip wasn't for me. Yet it was. I can't really the explain the get it part. However, it's just that light bulb that goes on from the revelation you receive from something you have done a thousand times but now understand the why, how, or answer for that thing that was missing. My response has just been to send all the money we have over to this ministry so they can get all that they need to help these women.
There are so many stories of things that happened. Women, many from families in the country, sent to Bangkok to provide for their poor families. Many are thrust into prostitution with no desire to be there but no other way to care for their families. Yet there is little escape because there are no other options. These girls lighting up when women come just to talk to them, these conversations more important than the reason they are there at night in these bars. Seeing joy on their faces when given a bracelet. Seeing the dedication and the really hard work this ministry of women commit to day after day in helping these prostitutes. Being broken as you see these womens' lives and the hardship and difficulties this area brings every day. Knowing that the government doesn't even admit prostitution exists while women are used, abused, and even killed without consequence. Every day, this ministry sees the dark and seedy side of men who who have no idea how much they are hurting these women and themselves with their actions. And these missionaries love on the women while their hearts break. Sixty percent of all men who visit Bangkok come to this area to find a prostitute. And for many of the women trying to love and help these women, it becomes a battle to not hate these men for the damage they are causing. Struggles, some triumphs, hardships that never go away, hurting women who don't want to be there yet have no escape. This is life every day in this small part of Bangkok.
The stories and ministry here are hard enough. Then our team of women experienced their own set of frustrations, anger, and broken hearts from being there. Many people are aware that we all make mistakes, have our faults and weaknesses, and commit our sins before God. Yet you experience a place like this and you realize what God means when he says he hates sin because you learn what it means to hate it too. Often times at our church here, there is a white rose representing someone who has become a Christian in the last week and you mildly clap and think "that's nice." When a woman becomes a Christian from the streets in Bangkok, you know what it means to truly rejoice over a soul. You save money by taking your lunch or deciding not to go out for dinner and you feel good that you chose to spend your money wisely. You see that people in Thailand eat 3 meals a day on less than 3 dollars total and you realize how much you have and how often you waste money on things you didn't really need.
Going to work for both of us was hard today. I went to a meeting at work to discuss our team's projects and policies and news from corporate. And all I could think about is how much I didn't want to be there and how what I am doing just seems so unimportant right now. Being in the medical field, Kristen can seem to find more meaning in her work as she helps people. However, a guy comes in for treatment to feel better and complains about his shoulder he hurt during a weekend activity. And it's a struggle for Kristen to be there with all that she has just seen and experienced regarding people with real hardships. It doesn't mean our work or our lives here are unimportant. God has us here for a reason. But once you get it, your eyes are opened, and your heart is touched, you can't go back. You can only move forward, a changed person.
I don't know what to do with this or what it means for my life. I am scared that after a few days or weeks, things will go back to normal as I just settle into my routine again. I know that God called the two of us specifically to 'get it.' Now we need to figure out what to do with it.
