Alexithymia Antithesis

Culture and Common Grace

Does God only care about redeeming and saving people?  Does God bless both evil and good people in the world?  Can those that are not good people, i.e. “non Christians”, do good in this world?  If so, how is that possible?  What does it mean to be in the world but not of the world?  The main thrust of these questions is for helping us try and discover who God really is and understand his work in our world.

The answers to these questions have been the center of many theological debates.  And the answers also define each person's view of God.  I just finished a book called He Shines In All That's Fair : Culture and Common Grace by Richard J. Mouw and these are some of the questions he raises.  This book is very much a theological/intellectual discussion on the differing viewpoints of Calvinist theology.  A couple of central questions are what is God about and whether he shows grace only to Christians or to all people in the world.  The answer to this question depends on your view of God in creation.  For some, the creation of all things under heaven and earth are designed to bring God glory and to work towards his predestined purpose for the election of certain people to be redeemed by his plan through Christ.  For others, there is a multiplicity in God's creative purposes.  God created a world to be inhabited by human beings.  However, due to sin, he created a plan to redeem men unto himself.  Yet outside of his redemptive plan, God also takes delight in his creation and his creatures for he is able to admire the beauty and the display of excellence which benefits creation itself.  Which view of God do you see?

There are various scriptures brought up to debate these points.  And neither argument should diminish God's all encompassing qualities and character.  However, I believe God delights in his creation beyond his purposes for redemption.  When God sees anyone struggle and fight to overcome adversity to succeed in life, he must smile.  When God sees people of all races and faith come together to reach out and help others, it must bring joy to his heart.  Even an amazing athletic feat is something God must admire for the beauty and excellence of achievement.  In contrast, a woman who is raped and tortured and watches her son die must make God angry, regardless of this woman's faith or religious convictions.  Yet the questions above still need answers to help us define how we believe God looks at the world.

In the world but not of the world.  This is a statement Jesus makes in John 17 as he prays for his disciples and followers.  Does this mean that Christians should only seek to benefit the purposes of the church while abstaining from the outside world for God's greater glory?  For some people, that is a definite 'yes' and that is what their heart leads them to do.  For most of us, this probably isn't the case.  Yet many of us may be agents of common grace so that we may offer help, as human beings to other human beings.  As a Christian who is a counselor, one can offer principles that may help save a marriage or heal a hurt.  We can promote all people alike to honor our word and commitment to others out of respect and love for people.  Maybe we should care about the poor because God's heart breaks for people who are struggling, regardless of their faith or convictions. 

Does God bless both evil and good people?  Don't all people receive the benefits of the sun, the rain, the fertile earth, and the blessings of creation?  Isn't it possible that God blesses all people by holding back sin in the world so that we are not completely overpowered and destroyed by its effects?  Can those that aren't Christians or that may be looked upon as bad people do “good” in the world?  Absolutely!  For God has given mankind gifts and abilities that can benefit others.  God's revelation of himself goes well beyond what we see or read in the bible.  For God can be seen in creation, the moral and rational capacities of human beings, and a sense of justice and fairness that is evoked in the hearts and minds of all mankind.  If the greatness of God is visible and entrenched around us, it is possible that his goodness can be exhibited by others even if it isn't understood as being from God.  For many people, both good and evil, have been instruments used by God for greater purposes.

To address all of the questions about life, faith, mankind, and God is an impossible task.  However, my belief is that God is bigger than anyone can understand.  God is both righteous and loving.  He loves those who love him and those that don't.  He works in and through both good and evil people and situations.  And yet we can never fully understand God regardless of his specific revelation to us or his general revelation to us through all that he has created.  For me, Jesus is part of God's plan and in him is the object of creation - both his plan of redemption and his love for all that he has created.  Christians aren't always an accurate reflection of God's character nor are they a monopoly in all that God has revealed himself to be.  I believe Christians are both objects and instruments of his grace which began and ended with Jesus.  God's never so big that we can't touch his heart but never too attainable that we will ever fully understand him.  Regardless of your experiences or faith, open your eyes to see how big God is, how loving and righteous he is, and how there is a plan in all of this for which all creation speaks to if we look hard enough to find it. 

A book, my fave author, truth, and God

Currently, I am reading a book called The Zahir by Paulo Coelho.  It is about the story of a man who is married 10 years to his wife Esther.  Esther brings out the best in him and encourages him to pursue his dream of being a writer.  While their relationship is solid, Esther wants more and still feels a deeper longing.  After becoming a war correspondent and becoming friends with a translator, she one day disappears and leaves her husband without a goodbye.  He is heart broken and wants to find her but can't.  He eventually moves on with his life, going out, and finding a new love.  However, finding his wife becomes an obsession, his zahir.  He ends up meeting the translator, who he thinks had an affair with his wife.  His focus is on finding his love but through dramatic experiences, stories, and a friendship with the translator, he discovers a new way to love that causes him to cleanse himself of his past and that which he wants to hold on to in order to free himself to truly be able to love.  The book is written like an autobiography as it deals with the deeper journeys and lessons Coelho has learned deep inside of his soul.  While much of what he writes is true of his life, this isn't to say all the events or stories in the book actually happened.  So while the book may be part autobiographical and part fiction, the journey and the lessons learned are real.

Paulo Coelho is my favorite author.  This is the third book I have read by him (Veronika Decides to Die and The Alchemist being the other two) and Coelho always writes about the deeper things in life.  Without a doubt, Coelho is drawn to spirituality and a faith in God.  Coelho may not live the life many people would think he should as a man of faith and spirituality but I love how he reveals truth in his stories.  In the books I have read, he talks about spirituality in terms of mysticism, signs and wonders, and magical powers.  However, this is not in the sense of fantasy but real lives encountering the work of God in mysterious ways.  In The Alchemist, he speaks of pursuing our dream/mission and the steps that happen along the way - failure, encountering obstacles, patience, and suffering.  Many of these are tests to see how much we want it and to realize that the dream comes from something bigger than ourselves.  In the end, he discovers that the dream is in the journey and the experiences along the way rather than the destination.  It is living out the journey in pursuit of the dream that makes it worthwhile.  In this book, he speaks of an energy of love that can't be controlled.  It comes not from us and we can't make love look like what we want it to be.  However, there are signs along the way that are always there.  We need to learn how to listen and live our lives daily to tell our stories, to free us from our past, and open up places inside ourselves that then free us to love.  Marriage, children, jobs, homes, careers, and the ups and downs of life keep us in bondage to what we think love should look like rather than freeing ourselves to not be held captive by anything so that we are then free to love.  It is these deep spiritual messages and truths that inspire me and make me think about the meaning of life when I read his books.

For many people, an alchemist, an epilectic translator who hears a voice of a girl, and mystic powers may not seem like sources that can reveal any truth from God.  After all, even though Coelho believes in God and has his faith, his books deal with people from different countries, different religions, and a new age way of looking at spirituality.  However, when you get the meaning behind the message, you understand how much these truths illustrate who God is and what he wants for us.  I used to think that God only speaks through the bible, in churches, in times of fellowship with other Christians, or in Christian books.  But if we limit our experiences and encounters with God to these things, we miss out on hearing and relating to God in so many different areas of life.  Romans 1:20 states "For since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

God's not just found inside the church.  Maybe people are afraid of what is out there in the world thinking that faith may be hindered or that temptation is too great so we must remain close to the church and the truth.  I believe Coelho is correct in that there are signs everywhere and we just need to learn to find them.  Sometimes that is a voice that must be listened to and obeyed without understanding.  Maybe it is an encounter with a beggar or some new age person living on the other side of the world.  Maybe just time in nature will open eyes to God's wonder and creation where people have some personal encounter or revelation about God that they never experienced in church or just by reading the bible.  Maybe reading some book of fiction about spirituality dealing with mysticism or mysterious signs may not seem like the ideal way to find God or his truth.  But it doesn't mean God isn't working or isn't in those things.  There are many people in this world who have never stepped foot inside of a church or talked to any Christians.  Yet God has worked in their lives to reveal aspects of himself that we may not have experienced.  Don't be afraid to read a book, talk to someone different, or experience an adventure or a new destination.  While Christians are called to reach the world, there is also a lot in this world that God can use to reach and teach us.  So maybe there are people and places that don't need to always hear what we have but maybe they are there because there is something we need to learn from them.

I have had great moments and experiences at church, reading the bible, hanging out with other Christians, and reading good Christian books.  I used to think that is how I met God.  But there are various moments in my life where I have experienced God.  And those experiences are greater than anything that can be put into words.  Here are some moments and places where I have had my greatest experiences with God that even go beyond my experiences at church, reading, or with other Christians - a hike up a cliff overlooking a valley in Austria, a hospital room in 1995 with my grandfather, a deserted beach at night in Salema, Portugal, a quiet evening in my living room in June 2004, a conversation with a Canadian couple over breakfast in Ronda, Spain, my grandparents' bedroom the night my grandfather died in January 1996, driving along highway 99 on my way to Yuba City for work in July 2004, a stroll through the park in Luxembourg Gardens in Paris June 2004, crying myself to sleep in my bedroom in August 2004, brushing my teeth in the bathroom in February 2004, various moments throughout this one day while visiting a girl at Mississippi State in October 1995.  There are many others as well.  Some of these involved listening to a small voice, finding healing from my past and being able to experience and give love, being with and connecting with people I didn't even know, experiencing God in his creation, and experiencing God and who he is as opposed to just believing in it.  These moments didn't happen because of some church experience or reading the bible or even hanging out with Christians.  I experienced God and his truths by seeing him in the world around me. 

In Coelho's books, I am challenged by his stories and experiences of different people from different places with different lifestyles to find deeper meaning and truths that God is teaching me.  If we put God in a box and say there are only certain places in which we can find him, we miss out on so many things in this world, people we can encounter, places we can go, and experiences and adventures we can have, where God is there also.

Veronika Decides to Die

I just finished a very interesting book.  While it was a great read, it was thought provoking, challenging, and sometimes a little uncomfortable and odd.  I loved the message of the book but I am unsure how to apply this to my life. 

The story is about a 24 year old woman from Ljubljana, Slovenia (as an aside, it was one year ago today that we flew back from Ljubljana, Slovenia from our two week vacation in Eastern Europe).  Veronika is an educated, attractive woman who lives on her own and works in a library, has a few friends and her share of boyfriends, and a family who loves her.  However, Veronika decides that she just doesn't want to live anymore.  She is not really depressed or suicidal but has two reasons for not wanting to live - she doesn't see much hope for the world and she doesn't want to live until an old age to suffer as life draws to an end.  Things are ok where they are now so she wants to end them before it gets worse.  So one night, she overdoses on sleeping pills and waits to die.  While waiting, she reads an article about a new computer software game and is bothered that the first line of the article starts off with "Where is Slovenia?"  This prompts her to write a letter to the editor of the magazine and while subtle, she begins to find meaning in her desire to make a difference and educate others.  However, she sees her letter as a dangerous opportunity and desire to continue leaving.  Before long, she loses consciousness.

When she wakes up, she finds herself in a mental hospital and soon discovers she only has a week to live as the pills have irreversibly damaged her heart.  The rest of book is spent with Veronika and her experiences in the mental institution.  She meets many patients and the book reveals the circumstances that brought a few of the people there.  There is even a group of people called the Fraternity - a group of people who had issues that helped them escape the problems of normal life and allowed them to find security and refuge in the mental institution.  We meet others who had panic attacks, are schizophrenic, and are severely depressed.  The doctor who runs the mental institution is conducting experiments to further his research on the people there that he may help them.  He believes that many people are crazy because we are all different and unique outside of how the world and society defines as normal.  In an attempt to rebel against the normalcy they reject, people develop Vitriol - a bitterness and distancing of themselves internally from the world that surrounds them.  There remains that vitriol inside all of us which covers up the craziness/uniqueness we all have in order to fit into the normal world we live in. 

As Veronika lives out her last few days, she begins to question why she has lived the way she has and discovers dreams that she had that had long ago died.  She begins to act out what is inside of her and what she feels.  After all, that is one benefit of being crazy in a mental institution - it is expected and accepted.  During this self discovery, she finds a desire to live again and awakens that same desire in the depressed woman, the woman with panic attacks, and the schizophrenic.  During the course of the week, you find out the stories behind these peoples' lives which led them to where they are.  There are questions of God, the discovery of long last dreams and passions, and a struggle with the reality of the normal world vs the desire to live out this craziness/uniqueness within us.  Each character struggles with the risks, desires, and fears to truly live life once again.  While this craziness is lived out and the desire to live is awakened, you are made to feel uncomfortable, yet challenged, by the unusual and rather risque behavior exhibited by these characters.  And in the end, you are left with asking yourself what are your dreams, is life worth taking those risks to be crazy and unique enough to be different, and whether it is the desire to truly live or living the normal life that is accepted by culture and society that wins out. 

I won't give away the ending and the twists at the end but Veronika escapes the institution to make the most of her last day of life and do the things she has never done before.  And in her last day, she realizes  her reason for living is worth all the risks involved, even the opinions of normal society as she lives out her craziness, in order to be the unique person she was created to be.

While the idea of living out your uniqueness, passions, and dreams in light of the reality of the world may seem like a great idea but the book is only fiction right?  Easier said than done.  However, many of the experiences in this book happened to the author, Paulo Coelho.  As a child in Brazil, he wanted to be an artist but this was so taboo when he was growing up, he was put into a mental institution a couple of different times.  Through his experiences, his faith, and what he learned through all of this, Coelho decided to live out his own uniquenessand has become an influence in the music industry and finally, a writer. 

This sounds like such a great idea and something I want.  How much do I want to risk?  The very idea of this goes outside the box, makes me uncomfortable, and doesn't even fit my personality.  Treasure each day and live it as if it is your last.  Sounds too easy to do but there is truth and evidence for it when Veronika decides to live.

Knowing Your Strengths - Part II

So I wasn't really confident in the results of my first strengths test.  So I bought a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 and took a new version of the test.  As silly as it may sound, I even prayed that God would help me answer these questions in the way that best fits who I really am.  And without further ado, here are the results...

Responsibility, Strategic, Learner, Intellection, Restorative

Stunning, I know!!  4 of the 5 are still the same and I actually feel more comfortable about these results.  (Intellection should have been in my top 5 all along, if not my #1!)  The one thing I LOVED about this test is that it gave me a personalized strengths insight which describes what makes me stand out from others who may have the same theme in their top 5.  It also gave me 10 ideas for action for each strength.  Let me put it to you this way - I almost cried when I read about my personalized insights and ideas for action.  Not really but the description of me was so accurate that I was almost giddy about each strength I read and how it described me.  Here is an example of an idea for action under Intellection - "Take time to write.  Writing might be the best way for you to crystallize and integrate your thoughts."  And that is exactly why I started to blog in the first place.

So what is a strength?  Strength is defined as near perfect performance in an activity.  The purpose of strengths is to build around what you are good at.  In a survey of the US, Canada, France, the UK, China, and Japan, people were asked if they were more likely to grow in their strengths or weaknesses.  The US had the highest response for strengths at 38%.  This survey and these books go to show that we live in a remedial world where we spend more time focusing on our weaknesses and imperfections than what we are good at.  I am guilty of this more than anyone.  As a perfectionist, all I do is look at where I am weak and where I fail and look to work on those areas.  The focus of these books is to help us understand what our strengths are and how we can better use them in our jobs (and with our families and churches).  There are practical ways of discovering what we love and what we are good at.  Only 17% of people in this country are using their strengths most of their day, according to a Gallup survey.  And we focus more on the negatives and weaknesses than we might think, even at an early age.  If your child brings home 2 A's, 2 B's, and an F a survey reveals 70% of parents will spend the majority of their time focusing on the F rather than focusing on what the child loves about the subjects he/she got an A in.  It doesn't mean that the F doesn't need to be worked on.  In our culture, we study the weaknesses and failures to learn what is good.  To study successful marriages, we look at those who are divorced.  To find the keys to happiness, we study depressed people.  There are thousands of cases on depressed people and only a few hundred studying people who are full of joy.  There are even myths about how we grow.  For example, one of those says as you grow your personality changes, You will grow the most in your areas of weakness.  The truth is as you grow you become more of who you already are.  There is so much information in these books about strengths and how we live our lives.  However, I want to share my interest in this strength concept.

For years, I have always been fascinated in analyzing who I am, both good and bad.  I love taking personality and spiritual gifts tests.  I have wrestled with so many failures in my past and have really seen God work through my life to change me.  And it has made me want to know even more about myself and who I really am.  I realized that who I thought I was wasn't really who I am as years of bitterness, anger, and hurt masked who I was.  I've struggled with finding my purpose in life and have gone through periods of discontent in many aspects of my life.  More than ever, I am in one of those periods now and it has driven me to really explore who I am, how God made me, what my passions are, and how all of this comes together.  It may surprise some of you how I even found my major and got my first job.  During my freshman orientation in college, I spent 3 hours trying to decide what I wanted to do and what classes to take.  My first class in college was an accounting class.  I took it, was good at it, and made it my major.  My last semester of graduation, I went to see my Accounting Systems professor.  A guy walked out right before me, I found out about a job from him, applied, and was hired to work with accounting systems.  However, now I am in a season of discontent which has only gotten worse in both my job and church.  I have become tired of cumbersome tests but wanted something practical to figure out where to go with my life.  I still don't have those answers.  But with these books and with some time in prayer, I feel like I am now taking practical steps to understand how I was made by God, what I love, what I am really good at, and where my desires and passions are.  I am scared about where this may lead.  However, I need to have these answers.  This is a process for me but God is surely in this.

I want to close with this.  I am including my strengths finder profile on here so people can read through it and see what valuable information this provides.  This may provide some of you with a desire to dig deeper to know who you are and what you are good at and how you can be better used in your job, at home with your family, in your community, at your church, and by God.  I hope this encourages you and helps you to focus your life better.  We are all unique and gifted.  And in this process, I think many people will find a change in attitude to focus on the positive.  No one needs this more than me.  And if you get nothing else from reading this or my strengths profile, at least you will understand me better to know why I took that test twice.  :)

Download Jeremystrengths.doc

Knowing your strengths

A couple of weeks ago, I was introduced to Marcus Buckingham, who wrote a couple of books called Now, Discover Your Strengths and Go Put Your Strengths to Work.  At a retreat I went to, I went to a seminar which presented some of the material in Go Put Your Strengths to Work.  Then I ended up seeing Marcus Buckingham on TV doing the same presentation I saw at the leadership conference.  For the last year, I have really been struggling with being content in many aspects of my life - work, church, home.  I have wanted to really figure out what my passion was and what I was gifted and made to do.  All of this stuff with Marcus Buckingham has inspired me to read his books and figure out what my strengths are.  So here are my top 5 and a brief description of each:

Learner - You love to learn.  The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning... 

Restorative - You love to solve problems.  You enjoy the challenge of analyzing the symptoms, identifying what is wrong, and finding the solution.  You may prefer practical problems or conceptual ones or personal ones...

Competition - Competition is rooted in comparison.  When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people's performance.  No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow...

Strategic - enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route.  It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large.  This perspective allows you to see patterns where others see complexity...

Responsibility - take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion... **

Some of these surprised me to be honest.  I feel like I should take the test again but I can't.  It is what it is.  I am not sure I like all of my strengths.  I don't even know if they are really me.  There are a total of 34 strengths that people are tested on.  Others that I thought would have been higher were Analytical and Intellection.  Over the past few months, and especially the last couple of weeks, I have talked with, read, and studied people who have a passion and know their strengths.  Marcus Buckingham shared his.  A couple of guys I know talked about theirs.  I heard an interview with guys in a band that talked about their passion and what drives them beyond music. 

I want to figure out how my strengths best play out in my job.  I really feel there is a deeper purpose and calling for me.  I want to discover that passion for my life.  Of all the 34 strengths (and even the spiritual gifts God has given us), there are so many possible combinations in many different orders with varying percentages of each strength.  Reading these books and discovering my strengths have told me something God has already told me - each one of us is unique.  I have no idea how those 5 strengths, along with the things I love and my passions, fit together.  What is it a learner, restorative, competitive, strategic, responsible guy with my experiences, background, and culture do with the various interests and passions I have?  I need to be able to put this puzzle together and as I said already, this will be a process of prayer and seeking God as I work through all of this.  I have felt for a while that whatever I find it will make me different and unique.  I don't think I am just going to fit into a nice and neat description of analyst, writer, salesperson, or anything like that.  I am both excited and scared because maybe I will find out things about myself that I am disappointed with, things I don't like, or maybe my purpose isn't as exciting as I want it to be. 

I have discovered one thing just through this test and the books.  I love this kind of stuff!!!  Maybe it is that learning thing but I really enjoy digging deeper and reading this kind of material.  I guess it fits into the whole strengths/personality/interests thing!  Now I just need all the pieces of the puzzle to come together to find more a focused and purposeful life!

**Taken from Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, 2001 - pages 107, 112, 91, 115, 111.

Greatest book I have ever read!

Recently, I just finished a book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  The book is about non religious thoughts on Christian spirituality.  For anyone who has ever wondered about God, may have been turned off by Christians, been hurt by the church, has had questions or doubts about faith, or just wants to be challenged in their faith, this is an awesome book.  The funny thing about this book is that 95% of it speaks to my life, struggles, and the things God is teaching me.  Everyone can relate to this on some level.  If you have ever been interested in God or want to know more about Jesus, read this book.  It is a real approach to life - the joys, questions, doubts and surprises - and asks the questions as to what faith is all about.  I have never been so encouraged or challenged by a book in my life. 

To any of you out there who have been hurt by Christians or the church, I apologize.  At times, Christians can be judgmental, unloving, and self-righteous.  We have focused on morals, values, and issues and become more involved politically than we have in being the hands and feet of Jesus in love.  As a Christian, I still find myself doing these things every day.  I want to change and be different but it may not happen overnight and I will still fail.  Please don't let that which has been done in the name of Christianity, the church, or by Christians paint your view of everything God is.  We need forgiveness also.  Jesus was compassionate and loving and reached out to those who knew they didn't have it all together.  He was harshest on those who thought they did.  Give this book a chance and have fun with it.  It is a great read and deals with so many questions that all people have.  May everyone who reads this be encouraged and I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have!