With school, work, Landon, and Gamecock football, things have been busy lately. However, I start a 2 week vacation today so I wanted to take the time to reflect on what life is like right now.
This may come as a surprise but men and women are different. And so is our perspective when it comes to having a baby around. To be fair, these are just my thoughts and feelings on this as one guy and so I am not an expert on this from a man's or woman's perspective.
This has been a big adjustment. Not a bad one but there has been some gained and some lost in this transition to having Landon around. And I think the biggest adjustment is for the husband (stay with me here and don't get mad!). For women, this is a HUGE change! And for many, it is a difficult one. Every second of each waking moment is so focused on a new child that you may forget how things used to be. There is NO WAY I could have the energy, patience, or effort to be a mom. That is so beyond what I could handle. So I am not trying to minimize the stress of having a baby or saying it is not an adjustment or difficult at all. However, it seems like moms take one minute at a time and don't look much beyond that. Moms may not take the time to remember how things were because they are only focused on the here and now. I may be wrong and probably am but just saying all this as a lead in as to how I have transitioned and see things.
For me as a dad, it is different. I don't have the same bond/connection with Landon that Kristen does. And I don't spend nearly as much time with him as she does. After being off for a month, life went back to a normal schedule as I went back to work. Yet, things aren't normal. I don't get to connect with Kristen like I used to as I was used to getting all of her attention. Because I am not giving as much to Landon and I am back at work, I tend to notice the changes a little bit more because I am not as caught up in the here and now and just getting through each day. I notice there is a difference and feel the effects of it. Kristen and Landon are connecting with each other and I have to try and make those connections with each of them. The attention I used to get I now have to fight for so I notice the impact on my marriage and family. Back to work, missing out on connection and intimacy, looking for ways to bond with a son, and feeling like I don't have the connection they do.
So is this a bigger adjustment for me than it is Kristen? I am not stupid enough to say that it is. I will say that the adjustment may be more noticeable to me. She gives a lot to him and less to me and I notice it. And that's probably the hardest part. She still does so much with cooking and things around the house and taking care of him that I am amazed she is able to accomplish all that she does. However, I miss her and sometimes I seem like I am the odd one out.
Don't take this as a downer because it isn't. I don't regret being a dad. I love Landon and want to spend quality time with him every day. I am sure my spending time with him comes as a sacrifice to time I could spend with Kristen. So being a dad is new, rewarding, and fun. And there will be so many joys and experiences I would have never been able to experience without him and wouldn't trade for the world. And I know that going to school right now and working means Kristen is making HUGE sacrifices on her part to take care of Landon and everything at home. However, I miss my wife. And that's a good thing.
I had someone tell me this week that once you have a child, you end up raising two kids - the child and the husband. You never realize how needy your husband can be until you have someone to take his place (in terms of time and effort). I hope we get a chance to connect some this week as we will be heading to Tahoe for a few days.
So there are my thoughts. For moms out there, don't beat me up for this. After all, it's not a bad thing to miss your wife when falling in love with a child at the same time.
